Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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