Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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