the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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