I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
