Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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