I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
