is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
