i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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