Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
