Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
