can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
PANTIES FOUND
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