I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
