dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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