i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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