I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
