i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
