I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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