i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The best revenge is premature balding
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
