you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
