Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so let's talk penis.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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