i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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