wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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