I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
