____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
