Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
