I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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