Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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