I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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