I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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