Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
