I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
