Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize