....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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