I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
