you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
