she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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