I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I believe in your delicious
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
