fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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