Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
