smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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