i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
