I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
