It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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