Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
