Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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