the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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