I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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