Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They took my balls.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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