Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize