dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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