any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
