now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
