It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
