yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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