Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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