Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
