I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
