one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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