Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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