Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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