1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
