Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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