we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Will exercising make me less horny?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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