he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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