Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
