Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
