I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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