I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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