in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He felt like a one man threesome
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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