her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
