woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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