he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
