Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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