She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
