Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
