what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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