she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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