just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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