omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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