Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
