I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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