I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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