I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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