Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
